American Idol: The Second Batch of 12 . . .

. . . or “Norman Gentle: Return of the Jedi”

We’ve had to wait an extra 24 hours for this week’s performance episode, the delay coming from Tuesday’s State of the Union Address from President Barack Obama. If you didn’t catch it, the Cliff Notes version is something along the lines of: “Bailout! Stimulous! Hope! Aaaah - we’re all screwed!”

Last night, the second group of 12 took to the stage, with nine of them going home tonight.

Seacrest saunters over to the judges’ table, where the judges are oddly sitting in the opposite order they were last week, and he alludes to it having something to do with Simon wanting better lighting, making some crack about something Simon said in the press. I’m assuming it’s this interview he gave to USA Today, complaining that last week’s performance episode "didn't quite gel. There were some audio issues. The lighting felt too light, too daytime. We know what went wrong and what we're going to do to fix it."

Whatever you say, Simon.

The next few minutes are burned up with some exceptionally awkward banter between the judges. Even their snarks at each other seem forced. Perhaps a little tension over that interview Paula gave saying that adding Kara to the show was a bad idea?

The first performer was Jasmine Murray, who sang “Love Song” by Sarah Bareilles. Too bad she was nowhere NEAR being in tune, and I’m starting to wonder if we’re going to have a repeat of last week’s carnage, with too many singers singing bad songs badly. She starts the song in a ridiculously low register. Idol contestants always make this mistake, thinking it will allow them to hit the high notes later, but it really just makes the song sound uncomfortable. Randy says she was a little pitchy, which is like saying Oprah makes a comfortable living. But he does say there were “moments.” Yeah, like the moment she shut her mouth at the end, that was my favourite. Oh, and surprise surprise, he also says she picked the wrong song. Kara notes the low-register thing, pointing out that her pitch was all over the place. Paula says she really WANTS to disagree, but doesn’t. Kind of like I WANT to change the channel, but don’t. But wait — Paula actually made a valid point when she added that in trying to make the song her own, Jasmine wound up singing around the song instead of singing the song. Well said, Paula. What are the odds of that ever happening again? Simon says he hated the performance, prompting the audience to boo like they’re at Wrestlemania. Get used to it, because they do this every time Simon offers any criticism at all, making me wonder if producers aren’t flashing giant “Boo” signs whenever Simon finishes talking. Anyhow, Simon hated it, but likes her look and her attitude, but because she’s only 17, is probably a couple of years too early, and he thinks she’ll be much better with a few more years under her belt.

Matt Giraud was next, and . . . seriously, dude, what the hell was that? He sang Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida,” but with this weird vibrato thing that I can only describe as indescribably strange. Plus, he doesn’t know how to breathe properly, or, at the very least, pull the mike away at the end of each verse when he gasps for air. And we’re two for two in the train wreck department. Kara (hey, the judges are piping up in no particular order tonight; I kinda like that) says that when he sat at the piano and sang during Hollywood week, he blew her away. Tonight, not so much, noting that the song “doesn’t lend itself to that kind of interpretation.” Paula says pretty much the same thing, that he was “top-notch” during Hollywood week, but sucks like a Hoover tonight – although she says that at least his performance was better than the rehearsal. Holy crap, how awful must that have been? Simon said the performance verged on horrible. Verged? That may be the kindest thing he’s ever said. "You turned into a wannabe pop star in a jerky, uncomfortable way." Randy said he’s got mad talent, but the song choice was all wrong.

Next we meet Jeanine Vailes. And I do mean meet, because here’s another contender in the top 36 who viewers have barely seen before. Sorry, but now that the public is voting, this just seems so patently unfair. Like Ricky Braddy last week, she appeared to have dropped out of nowhere. Why is anybody going to vote for somebody they’ve never seen before? But putting aside the fact that she was doomed from the get-go, her performance was pretty awful, lots of weird runs and pitchy as can be. And it didn’t help that she picked some crappy Maroon 5 song, but she almost makes up for it by wearing a pair of Daisy Dukes and has apparently borrowed Tina Turner’s legs. At this point, Paula went off the deep end, remarking that she has great legs (she actually does!) and, um, that it’s season eight! Before she gets a chance to yell out “I love your shoes!” or “I’ll have a double Margarita!” she wisely throws it over to Simon, who predictably hated it. "Completely the inappropriate song for you,” he said. “But you do have very nice legs." Kara also can’t figure out what to say, so she compliments her lips. Sorry, when did this turn into “America’s Next Top Model?” Randy snarks that the song would have been better if it had been in tune, and that the best part of the song was when it ended. Snap, dawg! And then, Jeanine quite literally starts begging for another chance, "Put me through and I promise I’ll do better, just give me one more chance, please oh please oh please . . ." Awkward, to say the least, and more than a little sad.

And now the moment I know I’ve been waiting for, Nick Mitchell. Will he be himself and give it a shot, or will he transform into his flamboyant alter ego, Norman Gentle? Thankfully, it's Norman! Singing “I Am Telling You.” OK, so maybe not the best pure vocal performance we’ve ever seen, but what a showman! He camped it up and worked the crowd and had them cheering and howling and hooting and laughing, and we cut to a shot of Randy laughing his substantial butt off. And you gotta love how he gave a shout-out to Doogie (Neil Patrick Harris in the audience for the second week in a row). Simon, of course, must sense the implications of a wacko like Norman winning over the public by making a mockery of the competition, so he tries to pour some cold water on him. "I hope I am speaking on behalf of America here when I pray that you do not go through to the next round,” he says, which brings on more WWE-style booing. Randy totally disagreed, saying it was one Idol’s most entertaining performances ever, and I concur. Kara says, "At least we remember you – you wear the same shirt like Simon every week.” Zing! Nice one, Kara! She doesn’t see him in the “music market,” but did enjoy whatever the heck it was that he did. Paula called him “a true performer,” but isn’t sure that this is the stage for him. Really, you think? Anyhow, let’s keep those fingers crossed that he makes it through, because without Norman this episode would have been pretty blah.

Allison Iraheta, the spunky 16-year-old with the fire-engine hair, sang a Heart song, and wow, she was good! The first straight-on excellent performance of the night that has ranged from bizarre (Norman) to excrutiating (everyone else). The judges seem relieved that one of the final 36 (that THEY chose, let’s remember) can actually sing. Randy said she “blew it out of the box,” while Kara told her she can consider herself great, and could have a hit song on the radio right this very second. Paula says she “can sing the phone book.” Man, I wish she would stop saying that. Unless she’s forshadowing an upcoming theme episode in which contestants actually do sing from the phone book: “Weinberg . . . Weiner . . .bay-bah . . . Weinstein. . . oh yeah!” Think about it; how much worse could it be than what they were doing tonight. Anyhow, Simon calls her the best tonight by a mile.

Next up was Kris Allen, followed by Megan Jo Corkrey, Matt Breitzke, Jesse Langesth, Kai Kalama and Mishavonna Henson and, you know what? They were all fine, but entirely unmemorable, and I’d be shocked – SHOCKED! – if any one of them made it through. Feel free to comment if you think any of them stuck in your memory, cause they sure didn't stick in mine.

The show almost over, it was Adam Lambert filling the infamous “Pimp Slot” at the end of the night. The final performance, in case you haven’t been paying attention, is reserved for the performer that the producers REALLY want us to like. Singing a slow-groove version of The Stones’ “Satisfaction,” Mr. Musical Theatre did not disappoint. I’ll admit I liked it, not loved it, and there were parts of it that were painfully cheesy, but he sure did act the part of the strutting rock star, and the judges clearly like his look, Randy calling him a cross between Steven Tyler, Twilight’s Robert Pattinson and Fall Out Boy. Paula says she can’t summon up the words to describe it, yet inexplicably keeps talking, saying she felt like she wasn’t watching an “American Idol” performance, but a Adam Lambert concert. OK, let’s just calm down here. He was good, he wasn’t THAT good. Kara likewise gushed, but at a more technical level, marveling at his amazing vocal range. Simon hits it on the head, saying some parts of the performance were excrutiatingly bad while others were brilliant, terming it a “love-it-or-hate-it performance.”

And it’s time for my prediction. Coming off my 2 for 3 streak last week (my best ever!), I’m going with the no-brainer obvious choices of Adam Lambert as the guy and Alison Iraheta as the girl. And, just for the hell of it, I’m gonna guess Norman Gentle will be grab that vote-for-the-worst contingent and live to see another episode.