American Idol 9: Eight Men Out – The Guys

To open the final men's night, Seacrest slowly strolled down the line of eight boys, introducing each one with a bizarre smirk and a flash of disturbing stare. Honestly, I'm not sure how these guys didn't burst into complete hysterics in the duration. I thought Aaron was going to cry! Ryan, quit freaking these kids out already!

Kicking off the evening, my boy Lee Dewyze offered up Owl City's "Fireflies." According to Kara, this is a really huge song. Funny, I've never heard of it before, but that's just me. I'm not exactly one of the cool kids. Back to Lee, I really like this guy, but there was something missing. Maybe the fact that this gigantic song was a mystery to me? Anyway, if this was the first time I'd seen him perform, I probably wouldn't give him a second look. He was definitely comfortable, but I'd just like to see him do something a bit heavier. Like Simon said, there was nothing to rave about, he's glad that Lee is still around, but he believes he's better than that song. Well put.

Bringing the skinny tie back from the '80s, Alex Lambert nasaled his way through "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne. Here's a question for the youngsters out there: why is it so cool to sing through your nose these days? No, seriously, I want to know. What is the deal with this because I truly don't get it. That said, it was probably his best performance to date. Maybe I'm just saying that because, for the first time in the competition, he didn't look like he was going to pass out. Ellen called him a mushy banana, and she meant that in a good way. She just doesn't want him to become a cocky banana, 'cause no one likes that. Simon wants him to imagine Randy in a bikini? Yeah, no, I don't think that'll help him at all.

Because it's the song of the moment, Tim Urban decided to cover Jeff Buckley's version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." Before I get to what I thought of Tim's performance, I just have to say that I think it's so funny when people do covers of covers. David Cook, anybody?!?!? All things considered, It was actually quite beautiful. Ellen had to leave her post to run up and give him a hug. This was clearly his best achievement, but I don't think k.d. lang has to worry too much. Nice job though, Tim.

Continuing with his annoying repertoire of only administering girl-pop tunes, Andrew Garcia exploited Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle." People seem to go monkey-poop crazy over this guy and I just don't understand what all the fuss is about. If he wants to impress me, I'd like to see what he can do with Iron Maiden's "Flight of Icarus." Seriously. Ellen thought it was great, but the other judges didn't bother buying it. Simon said it sounded desperate. Yeah, desperate and repetitive. I guess THIS is the artist he wants to be. A male artist who takes all the fun out of female pop songs by flattening them out with a few bar chords and an out of tune vocal. Well, the internet loves you, Andrew. My household? Not so much.

Casey James brought in the "real" by giving a simple rendition of Keith Urban's "You'll Think of Me." Casey is back, albeit without Finnegan (you might have to be my age to get that one). Randy called it a safe choice. Kara wants to see a little bit more from him (you can take that any way you want). Simon called it sincere. I call it genuine. Nice to see he's returned to doing what made him cool in the first place.

Aaron Kelly did his very best with Lonestar's "I'm Already There." It was okay, but a bit pitchy. I was just happy to see Aaron comfortable enough that he wasn't ready to barf. Kara slammed him for singing a song that was irrelevant to someone of his age. Simon quite rightfully called rubbish on Kara. For once, Cowell admitted that the judges have been confusing the contestants with their half-baked suggestions! It's about freakin' time, I tell ya!

Todrick Hall then squeaked his way through Queen's "Somebody to Love." In my humble opinion, NOBODY has been able to successfully pull off a Queen tune since Constantine Maroulis delivered his rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody." THAT was unbelievably cool. But then there's Todrick. The whole thing come off awkward and completely off key. He couldn't decide what register he wanted to carry. Jackson figures "Todrick is Back!" I figure Randy's been sniffing glue. Ellen thought he was brave. Kara says "you can't listen to that and say it's not good singing." Huh? Crack kills, Kara. Simon thinks he's a Broadway singer and believes that performance may have saved him. I think they're all going to go home and listen to it again and wonder what they were all smoking.

Michael Lynche sealed the night with Maxwell's "This Woman's Work." He started off in falsetto, then sang some real notes, but again went back into falsetto. I'm sorry but I have no appreciation for that style of singing. Randy said "Really? What?" I said the same thing, except not in the way Randy meant it. Kara was sobbing her eyes out. Really? What? This completely eludes me, I'm sorry. I am positively perplexed.

When all eight guys were finished, I felt less than impressed overall. I guess I should just count my blessings that this may have been the first boys' episode without even a mention of Jason Mraz. I did manage to keep awake for the entire hour, which is a talent that comes in handy when I'm trying to write about it. But Thursday is another day that will bring forth another feared group number. The blessings can only carry me so far.

CANUCKGIRL delivers the thrills and spills of America’s favourite singing competition direct to your monitor. CanuckGirl is NOT a professional journalist, nor does she play one on television.