"The Conveyor Belt of Love" — Seriously, It's A Real Show!

If today were April 1 and my email inbox contained a press release for a new dating show in which lusty ladies order up hard-bodied hunks as they whiz by on a giant conveyor belt, I'd definitely assume my chain was being yanked.

But it's early December, and "The Conveyor Belt of Love" is apparently an actual TV show. That's right, folks, the same technology that allows you to get your luggage after a flight can be utilized for a TV dating show.

The premise: 30 men roll across the stage before a panel of five dignity-free women, who have less than a minute to give each dude a thumbs up or thumbs down.

According to ABC's press release, the show works like this: "If a woman is interested in someone, that man will step aside and wait as the rest of the men go by. But if another man comes by on the belt that seems better than that woman’s first choice, she can swap out the man waiting off of the belt as many times as she wants until the last man has passed by. If two or more of the women are interested in the same man, the tables turn and the man on the conveyor belt gets to choose which one he would like to wait for. After all 30 men have made it through the 'Conveyor Belt of Love,' each woman is left with her final choice as they embark on a date in the hope of finding a true connection."

Personally, I hope the show becomes a huge hit so they can graft the conveyor-belt concept onto some other formats. I mean, how much better would "American Idol" be if the wannabes whizzed by on conveyor belts before being judged?

It could also work for game shows. How about "The Conveyor Belt of Trivia," in which contestants are asked a question while a conveyor belt carries them across the stage? The twist here would be if they don't answer correctly before they get to the end of the conveyor belt, they are sent hurtling off the edge of a cliff. Wait, did I mention the show is filmed at the top of the Grand Canyon? I know, there might be a few logistical challenges, but try to keep an open mind.

Here's another one: "The Conveyor Belt of Style." Drearily dressed women are placed on a conveyor belt and given one-minute makeovers as they pass. Then, "Dancing With the Stars . . . on Conveyor Belts." That one's kind of self-explanatory.

I think it would even work with procedural crime dramas. Just picture "CSI: Miami: Conveyor Belt," featuring a team of CSIs who must determine who killed a victim as the mangled corpse passes by on a conveyor belt.

And who wouldn't watch "Law & Order: Conveyor Belt Unit?"