Understanding Ellen: "You're Great!" = "You Stink!"

It's taken a few weeks, but I think I've finally figured out how to translate Ellen DeGeneres' milquetoast critiques on "American Idol." Apparently, the quality of a performance is in direct disproportion to the number of times she uses the word "great."

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present the following evidence: DeGeneres' comments to "Idol" contender Didi Benami, who delivered a lacklustre, karaoke-bar rendition of "Lean On Me" that ranks among the most mediocre, pointless performances in "Idol" history. To which DeGeneres offered up the following:

"First of all, I love your voice. You have a great, great voice. A great voice. And you are here because you have a great voice, and I think you have a great presence and a great smile and a great energy about you. And I love Bill Withers, I wish it would have been "Lovely Day" or "Use Me," one of those two songs. You tried to do stuff with it, and I applaud you for that. I don't know that that was really the greatest song choice. But I really think you have a great voice and hopefully people will see through the song, and vote for you."

I get it. In Ellen-ese, "great" is clearly a code word for something else.

Hey, Ellen — you're doing a great job!

MORE: Want more Idol chatter? Check out my podcast series with comic Patrick Maliha.