American Idol 9: Twelve Angry Men – The Guys

Let me just commence by saying that night two of Idol's five-hour extravaganza had to somehow find its place in my evening between bouts of Olympic hockey. It's surely a juggling act that is not for the faint of heart, but I promised myself that I wouldn't let you all down (yet).

First things first, WHAT was Kara wearing? I know she gets easily confused by what year she's in, hence the 1987 chain-fest on her top. That rattling bling kept peaking the microphones. Good luck getting through airport security in that outfit.

Starting the night off with Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone," Todrick Hall took some license by infusing the number with a bit of hip hop style. I can't say it's MY thing, but I felt it was somewhat clever. Randy, Kara and Simon slammed him for completely changing the arrangement of the song. I predict they'll probably berate somebody later for performing a carbon copy of whatever song they choose. You watch. At any rate, Simon said it was verging on stupid. So I guess this is the perfect time to insert one of my favourite Spinal Tap quotes, in the words of David St. Hubbins, "It's such a fine line between stupid and clever."

A very young Aaron Kelly came next with his rendition of Rascal Flatts' "Here Comes Goodbye." He's definitely a nice kid and he has a good voice. But so what? Simon thinks he's likable and cute, but he lacks self-confidence. I'm sure we'll see more of him. After all, Idol's 16-year-old female demographic are amongst the ones with the quickest texting fingers.

Next up was Jermaine Sellers with Oleta Adams' "Get Here." When he sang the lyrics "I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can," I figured he must've been talking about his own voice, because it was all over the place. I got completely lost, and not in a good way.

Last-minute replacement for the disqualified Chris Golightly, Tim Urban (or Bobby Brady) figured it would be more entertaining if he didn't tell his family that he ultimately made it into the Top 24. They found out by watching the announcement on TV! Nice! Anyway, he sang One Republic's "Apologize" completely in falsetto. Yeah, he needs to apologize for the bad song choice.

Joe Muñoz (or David Archuleta) presented us all with "You and I Both" (or something like that) by Jason Mraz. I'm not positive of the song title because I fell asleep. I told you that would happen. Somebody please let me know if Randy compared this song and his performance to that of an artist I actually enjoy.

Tyler Grady did his best with the Guess Who's "American Woman." Unfortunately, it was a horrible arrangement. I've got to say, his retro style is cool, but affected. Vocally, he was mediocre at best. Kara would NOT shut up about his whole '70s thing, and how much he was like "Jim Morrison in the '70s" and "the whole Doors thing in the '70s." Yeah, well, somebody needs to tell Kara that the Lizard King really wasn't around for most of the '70s, considering he died only a year-and-a-half into the decade. Hit your rock history books, Kara. You might learn something.

Lee Dewyze gave us his take on Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars." Admittedly, it was great until he hit the chorus. At that point he almost started oversinging it. He was pretty good though. Probably the truest performance of the night so far. I like this guy.

Making the huge mistake of performing Billie Holiday's "God Bless the Child," John Park figured he could ride the wave of mad love offered by Shania Twain in the audition round. It didn't do anything for me. It had no sense of feel. Both Simon and I agreed that it was a pointless performance.

Michael Lynche also made a bad song choice by giving us a rushed, poppy rendition of Maroon 5's "This Love." I originally pegged him for somebody with more soul than that. He also decided to hold a guitar, but he played it like Madonna (in other words, it was just a prop). He received favourable reviews from all the judges who don't particularly matter. Simon, on the other hand, didn't buy it.

Alex Lambert, who doesn't wear guyliner, decided to emulate James Morrison with his copy of "Wonderful World." Like James Morrison, it was completely flat. My husband thinks his voice is a bit Gokey-ish. Yeah, except for the fact that Danny Gokey was able to keep it in tune most of the time. Ellen compared him to a banana?!?!?

Cougar bait, Casey James was up next with Bryan Adams' "Heaven." Honestly, how did this guy manage to keep it together with all the giggly-girl laughter that was going on? He could barely keep a straight face during all the commotion. All things considered, he was quite fantastic, even though Ellen said she couldn't hear him because she could feel Kara undressing him with her eyes. I still believe this guy will win it.

Andrew Garcia was the last one up with Fall Out Boy's "Sugar, We're Going Down." I know this guy is getting a huge amount of buzz on the internet, and he's good, but I don't think there's anything particularly special about him. For me, for you, for me... he's just aight, dawg.

All things said, I think the boys have more to offer than the girls this season. The judges keep telling us that this year's winner is going to be a girl, but I just don't see it. Thursday night, after some more Olympic hockey (Go, Canadian Girls, Go!!!), we'll say "buh-bye for you" to two of each gender... and not a moment too soon.

CANUCKGIRL delivers the thrills and spills of America’s favourite singing competition direct to your monitor. CanuckGirl is NOT a professional journalist, nor does she play one on television.