American Idol 9: 10 Things I Hate About You – The Girls

Wednesday night was all about the girls, and luckily for all of us, Crystal Bowersox was well enough to perform. I was a little worried when I heard she had to be taken to the hospital. Would she return? Would she recover? Would she save the day for what's clearly a glut of nothingness in this season's female talent pool? Well, let me tell you, she was the ONLY reason to watch. Despite the fact that she sang "Long as I Can See the Light" by Creedence Clearwater Revival (a band I DON'T enjoy on any level), she was fantastic! She is a natural talent and there was absolutely nothing pushed or forced about her performance (Quick sidenote: as soon as I typed that last sentence, Ellen spoke nearly the same words. Weird!). Anyway, this gal is the real deal. I just hope she keeps it up. Stay healthy, girl!

Things then clearly took a turn for the worse when we were forced to endure Haeley Vaughn and the remarkable revelation that she loves to make hairbands and accessories, because they're relaxing? Umm, okay. She sang "The Climb" by Hannah Montana, I mean Miley Cyrus. Sorry, it's just hard to take any of this seriously. Here's this kid lamenting about trying to move mountains. . . PLEASE! Give me a break. Besides, I thought Haeley was supposed to be the "country-pop" chick. Perhaps she should've tried her hand at a Billy Ray Cyrus number instead. Anyway, it was painful. Even Randy thought it was excruciating. Kara (who's unsuccessfully rockin' the Bump-It. . . I thought you had to be a Jersey Shore cast member to wear one of those) thinks everybody's rooting for Haeley. Again, huh?

Lacey Brown likes to refinish antique furniture because it's relaxing? She took Kara's suggestion from last week and sung "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. Yeah, it's more her style, and I'd rather she skewer this really crappy song than ruin another Fleetwood Mac treasure. At best, she was forgettable.

Let me just stop for a quick second here to inject my opinion regarding all those dumbass "Stuff You Didn't Know About Me" vignettes. Is it me, or are these getting more ridiculous by the season? It seems everybody likes to make up stuff that might seem wacky, and then they'll tell you they do it because they like to relax? I'm not kidding! It was the underlying theme of the night! Read on.

Katie Stevens, can say "give me a kiss" in six languages ('cause maybe it's relaxing or something). Anyway, she sang "Put Your Records On" by Corinne Bailey Rae. This girl has some talent, but why would she choose such a dull song? I don't care if you have a good voice, you're boring me to tears! Ellen put it best by saying that she doesn't want to hear her sing something that would play in her dentist's office.

Didi Benami was a mascot in high school (probably for relaxation purposes). She performed Bill Withers' "Lean on Me" (BFI). I think this girl could be good if she would only chose to SING the notes without bending every single one of them. I think I said this last week, she's the return of Megan Joy Corkrey. That whole indie-quirky thing is getting old in a big hurry.

Michelle Delamor is a children's choir director at a church. What could be more relaxing than that? She slathered syrup by doing Creed's "With Arms Wide Open." I won't waste any of your precious time and I'll cut straight to the chase. It sucked. That's all.

Lilly Scott plays lots of different instruments and uses a throat spray (to relax her vocal chords, I guess). She tried her luck at Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come." She has potential. For me (for you, for me), I don't think she hits the same impact as Crystal (Simon agrees), but she's definitely somebody to keep around. She is an absolute refreshing change from the diva set. I'll give her the #2 slot for my favourite of the girls.

Katelyn Epperly apparently performed "The Scientist" by Coldplay. I'm sorry, but my brain automatically shuts down when a Coldplay song comes on. It's a self-preservation technique I've acquired. I have no idea what happened. I know my dog was snoring through it. Apparently, Ellen fell asleep too.

Paige Miles likes to colour. . . because it's relaxing (good Lord!). She sang the Kara DioGuardi penned Kelly Clarkson number "Walk Away." This girl doesn't have a fraction of Kelly's charisma. It was oversung, rushed, and a little too happy. Kara brought up the point that when she wrote the song, she was really pissed at the guy who did her wrong. Therefore, the smiley face did NOT help her win any fans. Totally inappropriate. This girl needs to pack up her crayons and go home.

Siobhan Magnus shut down the evening with Aretha Franklin's "Think," and I don't mean "shut down" in a good way. First of all, I'm pretty sure she was wearing one of Esther Williams' bathing suits from 1944 (kids, ask your grandparents). The song was way too huge for her, so she just shouted her way through it. Ladies, do not try this at home. It just didn't work for me, but the judges loved it. I must be really tired, or I'm the only one with properly functioning eardrums.

So I'm looking forward to Thursday night to see if my favourites (Crystal and Lee) ride out the wave of generica. America, I hope you voted early and voted often.

To sign off for the night, let me just say, my name is CanuckGirl, and I like cereal. . . 'cause it's relaxing.

CANUCKGIRL delivers the thrills and spills of America’s favourite singing competition direct to your monitor. CanuckGirl is NOT a professional journalist, nor does she play one on television.